OutSpoken

Francis Miguel A. Ocampo, Our Newest Family Member

          Alas!  Iggy is born.  He is now 10 days old and it still amazes me to see how babies grow so fast in just a matter of days.

          The first time I met Iggy, I was not so surprised to see how tiny he was, because I lost appetite during the course of my pregnancy. 

          He weighed only 6.8 lbs and has a very small body and face.  I was so scared to carry him at first due to fear that I might hurt him.  He looked so fragile even up to now, that is why I am deciding and trying hard to breastfeed.  I am hoping that he would grow healthier and bigger if breastfed. 

Real Name:  Francis Miguel ALejandro Ocampo  /  Birth date:  4th of October 2008  /  Birth Place:  Queen Mary Help of Christians Hospital, Cardona, Rizal  /  3rd and last child  /

     When Abby was barely 8 months old,  I, and his caregivers, misjudged him as ’slow’ compared to his older brother.  It was basically because he did not utter a word clearly by his 8th month, he was not able to learn to walk without guide by the 10th month and he was not as talkative and sociable as his Kuya.  We thought he was not as smart as his Kuya because he was not so responsive to us, and he was always anxious in the presence of people he did not see often.

     We were wrong again.  I was so surprised when he called me “mommy” so clearly when he was 9 months old.  He was barely a year old when he wiped my tears from my cheeks so tenderly one night after a fight with my husband, and whispered to me “don’t cry mommy” in a sympathizing tone.  It made me cry even more thinking that my little boy, at his age, was so mature to comfort me in his own ways.

     He was only 10 months old when he first said “I love you, mommy”  and the words ”I’m sorry.” 

     On his birthday, he surprised us when he managed to make a few little steps on his own.  He learn to sing children songs from then on from watching children’s videoke and from listening to his Kuya, and never stops talking for almost 3 years now.  SOmetimes, I even had to scream just to make him stop.

     Abby never goes to sleep without me by his side.  He never forgets to give me a hug and a kiss before and after I arrive from work.  Although he has a very short temper and often throw tantrums, his thoughtfulness and caring attitude towards me are enough to relax me after a tiring day at work… only to make me tired even more when he and his Kuya started fighting and bullying each other

     Minus the tatrums, how I wish my kids remain to be kids forever…

     Now I know that each pregnancy is different.  My first one required me to take a bed rest from the 3rd month up to the 9th.  I had no job then so it was OK and it was not so complicated.  I experienced spotting on the 4th month of my 2nd pregnancy that I had to take a 2-weeks-leave from work.  Now, it seems like everything is OK but Iggy’s playfulness inside my womb is quite painful, that I frequently  mistook the pelvic pressures for premature labor, so I am always confused and worried that Iggy would insist to be born anytime before reaching his full-term.  Unlike when I was conceiving his 2 brothers, Iggy never seems to get tired of kicking and pushing himself inside me.  At this point, I frequently wake up at night due to painful contractions.  Even a slow, careful walk hurts sometimes.  I even thought of taking an early maternity leave but I am equally worried about missing to properly endorse any of my office duties to the proper person.  I am now finalizing everything so that I am worry-free before I take the 78 days leave from work.

     Iggy seems to be so excited to see the outside world.  His brothers too are just as excited to see him.  But I am trying to calm him down all the time because I want to make sure that he will reach at least his 38th week before he gets out from me so that his body and immune system are prepared once he becomes exposed to the outside world.

     I’m on my 8th month of pregnancy and due to deliver my third, and most likely my last child via C-section on the 12th of October.  I was suggesting to my OB last week that I prefer to give birth on the 1st week of October because I want to put an end to my discomforts (so selfish)… but she said, the safest for the baby would be on the 12th, so be it. 

     I have started packing my bag and the baby’s.  Only few things are left unprepared but most things the baby will need are ready.  I am quite surprised to find out that I am excited about Iggy’s (the baby’s nickname) arrival even though he was “unplanned.”  Unplanned, but not unwelcome. 

     Even more excited are his 2 brothers, who, just 5 days ago, are suggesting of swapping him for Erich (my brother-in-law’s new born baby girl).  I have this strict instruction to my husband to keep an eye to the baby while I lay unconsious after delivery so that I could be sure that no baby switching will ever happen hahaha.

     It is really draining and exhausting both mentally and physically to handle the economic crisis almost all of us is experiencing nowadays.  It is a worldwide crisis most people all over the world has to deal with. 

     Prices of almost all commodities rise and continue to rise up to the ceiling as days pass.  We have to reconstruct our budget and adjust our lifestyles.  We hear complaints on TV, radio, from neighbors and worse, from our own household, even worse yet, we sometimes hear ourselves complain, too.  I think those reactions are normal because it is an issue of survival.  When foods are scarce, and purchasing power are restricted to only few people, complaints are understandable. 

     But one thought that opens my heart and mind to all these hardships that we inevitably experience is what my father said to me a week ago.  He said, we should not look at the top because all we will see is how miserable we are compared to people who are there on top.  It is important that we learn to look down with all humility.  Because when we look down, we will realize how fortunate we are compared to others who stand below us.  He explained that when we feel like complaining, we should remember those people who are even poorer, and we would feel so blessed for living on a budget instead of living without any budget, for having a family that extends help and support in times of need.  The words of wisdom struck me right there and then.

     I imagine those people who have no permanent source of income and have to feed their family.  If we think this way, I think we will realize that we are fortunate enough to have our job that is our bread and butter.  It would  not matter whether we work as street sweeper, as janitor, as construction worker or whatever blue collar job we have, so long as our job gives us a permanent source of income, we would feel that we are more fortunate than most people who are jobless.  It makes sense, and it is true. 

     It is just that we just have to always remember to count our blessings, and finally, we will stop complaining and we will learn to be thankful for whatever we have right now, even in face of deep economic crisis.

It’s Sunday morning.  At least once in a while, we send the kids to my in-laws’ house, and I let Cris go out too.  And it’s so relaxing to know that I am alone in the house and I can take a rest without being interrupted by playful kids.

This is me.  I am more of an introverted person.  I enjoy silence and privacy more than anything else. I love reading books more than watching TV.  I prefer to spend my spare time with my PC when the kids are not around than to go out and socialize. I love writing, thinking and yes, there are times when It’s really refreshing to cry in the solace of my room without any reason in particular… I just let myself become emotional over some thoughts… weird, but that’s me.  I hate doing errands, I never enjoyed household chores, most of the times, I feel too lazy to even get my own food because I don’t want to be interrupted with what I’m doing (like this very moment when I am already starving).  Well, it’s just a small part of me I mean.  Other times, I’d prefer partying and outdoor activities with old friends, but those are very few times.  There are also those rare times when I am in the mood to have a general cleaning, or cooking.  (when it was just my kids and I at home, expect that we only had instant food or we’re in the fastfood).

I am now aware that I have a complex personality.  A psychologist would have to take a longer time to analyze me.  It would also be a challenge for a philosopher to understand my way of thinking.  I think this was partly the reason why I initially had difficulty in choosing my college course.  Sometimes, I wanted to be a teacher or trainer, other times, I wanted to be a lawyer, anthropologist, historian, researcher or a writer…  yes, I was also feeling some inclination to do social works, counseling, etc…  And in an attempt to understand myself, I took up social sciences in college with double major which I thought would help me satisfy all my desires, Psych and Philo… two courses that are so different in perspectives they said, so opposite in terms of their basic foundations, beliefs, practices.  College friends and even my professors had asked me why of all available majors in the university had I chosen those combinations… which they said could land me in a mental health institution.  They were ofcourse being subjective or passive!  I never had a problem in those courses, and I thought they were just intimidated by hearsay and opinions which I found were exaggerated and had no solid base.  I enjoyed those two courses a lot.  Whenever friends ask me why it took me 5 years in college while I never missed any summer classes, I’d answer them frankly… it’s because I flopped 2 Math subjects and I had to repeat some PE courses!  There!  Those are my other major weaknesses, numbers and physical education. 

     I woke up early this morning because I had to take Abby to Tita Beth’s place because his daddy was about to accompany his Kuya Ully to school.

     Ully was asking me to go with him, too, so that I could watch him recite his poem.  I explained that I cannot be absent from work, but I assured him I would still be able to watch him because I told his daddy to take video of him on stage, and he was okay with it.  Before I left for work, I wished Ully goodluck and promised him I’ll call him after school.

     One work day passed and it was past five o’clock when I remembered to call home.  It was my husband who answered my call and even before I asked about Ully’s poem recitation contest, he excitedly told me that our son got the first place.  I could only imagine from his voice how proud he was when Ully was called to receive his ribbon.  I also felt so happy for the little achievement that our son got as a result of his and his daddy’s patience and persistence in memorizing the piece.  Had I been there, I might have been caught teary-eyed as I got so overwhelmed with joy… EXAGGGGJJJJ !!!!  Thank God I wasn’t there!

     When I got home, Ully urgently asked me the telephone number of his Mommy Lyn.  When I asked why, he just told me : "Tatawagan ko. Itatanong ko kung ano premyo niya sa akin." 

     I was silenced for a while and thought to myself, manang-mana talaga sa mommy ang batang ito… hehehe.

     If there’s anything so valuable that I learned from my past experiences in my then rocky marriage, it was to listen first before talking, weigh sides first before reacting, and change myself first before trying to change others.

     The latter is the most valuable lesson that I learned from that experience.  I realize that there’s no way to change others because it’s beyond our control.  It is more logical and realistic to begin the change in ourselves, and everything will follow.

     When I stopped nagging and finding faults in my partner, he gradually changed.  It was an advantage that we lived apart for some time.  There was a lot of things we learned and realized.  It helped me a lot in a sense that I had a lot of private times to think and weigh things.  I was able to pinpoint what things work and what don’t work for us.  I also learned to accept my faults and change them.  It was the same for my partner.  He was able to realize the value of his family, money, and family life.  So far, we are doing good.  It seems as though we are just starting a family.  Adjustment period never ends though.  But what is more important is that we learned to talk and we learned to communicate, which we missed out for the past seven years of our marriage.

     Well, I realized, it’s never too late after all.  Better late than never.

     After I gave birth to Abby, I never planned of another pregnancy, at least not this early.  Although I was hoping to have a daughter, I told myself I would be focusing on my work and with my 2 kids first, and another baby would complicate my plans. But after 3 years, I am conceiving again.

     The first month that I missed my period, I was really in denial.  I avoided consulting my OB-gyne, I ignored the morning sickness and other pregnancy symptoms that I was feeling that time and convinced myself that I was just having a flu or fever.  The idea of being pregnant again was just not welcome in my thoughts, in fact it scared me a lot.  I was afraid of neglecting my two kids, my work, my husband, of what my parents would say and how they would feel, and also made me worry about major financial adjustments ahead of us… I was just so afraid of everything, period.

     I told my co-workers about the symptoms, and although so obvious, I was hoping to hear something different from them.  One even suggested that I take a pregnancy test, which I avoided in the first quarter of my pregnancy. Then finally, I decided that I had to face reality.

     At last, my baby got its prenatal vitamins on its 4th month!  That was my first step.  Step two, I began wearing more comfortable clothes, unlike those fitted jeans that I exaggeratedly wore as part of the denial phase.  Step three, I was able to discuss about it to friends and relatives more openly and positively.  Everybody was saying and hoping it would be a girl.  I also wished and prayed that it would be a bouncing baby girl!!!  And yes, my mind was so conditioned that this time, we’ll have a baby girl at home, and it made me so excited.

     Last week I had my ultrasound.  I even brought along my husband so that, I thought, we could share the excitement of the good news as the OB-gyne confirmed that our baby is a….. A BOY?!!!  Again?, I blurted.  I knew I sounded like asking the OB ‘are you sure?’.  Then she showed us the ‘evidence’.  I looked at my husband and I also saw a little disappointment on his face.  As we left the hospital, I said ’sayang’ which was corrected by my husband.  He told me I should not think that way because what is more important is for our baby to be born healthy and without any impairments.  Yes, I thought to myself, as a mom, I should be the first one to be happy to welcome the new member of our family. 

     And I am really sorry ad guilty to have felt that way.  Now, all that I pray for my baby is for him to be born healthy, normal and to grow as smart as his 2 brothers.

    This afternoon, I was told that Mama, my father’s aunt who helped my parents raise us when we were kids, was brought to the hospital due to difficulty in breathing. 

     I decided to visit her right there and then, and brought my youngest son along, which was with me when I heard the news.  As we approached the entrance door of the hospital, we passed by two security guards who didn’t even give us warning that children are not allowed inside.

     Not so far from the guard post came an old man in green hospital suit, who I learned later is a resident doctor there.  He stopped me to ask what my son was doing inside the hospital, and I courteously asked him why was he asking.  He didn’t answer my question and instead, said, "saan pupunta yang batang ‘yan?" pointing fingers at my son, as if referring to a thing.  I asked, "Bakit po, bawal po ba?"

     Ignoring my question, he sarcastically told me to follow him while waving his hands, as if he was talking to an ignorant child.  He said, "Hindi mo alam?  Halika, papakita ko sa’yo…"

     I was beginning to lose my temper at that point yet I still tried to be calm.  He showed me the warning on the side wall stating that children are not allowed inside.  He turned to the two guards and reprimanded them in front of us and of other people who happened to be there, while also reprimanding me.

     Then, trying to be calm but irritation was obvious in my voice, I reasoned out that i was not able to pay attention to the signage and afterall, the guards allowed us to go… as I said it, I was starting to raise my voice because of how were were treated by this doctor in front of other people. I lost interest in elaborating or reasoning out some more because I sensed that it would be useless to explain to someone who thinks he was somebody and pays no respect to other people.  I later learned that he was not only a doctor there but some kind of administrator or something.  Then, maybe he should fix things first before putting his hands on his hips and yell at people.

     Firstly, the signage he was referring was placed on the sidewall, not on the entrance door.  How could people be able to read it when it was posted along with other stuff?  It would have been more readable had they printed it with bigger font and had they placed it to the front, not to the sidewall.  Do they really think people who would visit patients would still find time to read all stuff clogged in one area of the hospital?  I think it is stupid. 

     Secondly, they should have briefed their security regarding the policies with visitations, and all their policies in general before they put those guards on duty. One hospital staff told me that those guards were newly assigned there.  Another mistake of this administrator right?  Should the guards told me earlier that my son was not allowed to go inside, I wouldn’t insist.  But since, there were the stupid two of them there when we entered, and not any one of them warned us, I thought it was ok just like in other hospitals I’ve visited before along with my children.

     Thirdly, he should practice manners in dealing with patients, and relatives of patients.  No, I mean, he should learn how to deal with people in general because he is in the public service.  The institution isn’t his, it belongs to the government, it belongs to the people who pay their taxes and even to those who don’t pay their taxes.  Maybe he should update his public service skills, very much like outdated.

     Finally, they should try checking other aspects of their services that need to be developed.  Dealing with people diplomatically is one thing, updating their facilities is another.  I’ve seen another of his kind before and I’ve lost my respect to them ever since.  Their titles are not enough to raise their personalities, and they should know it.  Had they been more people-oriented, the weaknesses of their facilities would not matter that much.  In health institutions like RPH, warm service from all staff could somewhat decrease the levels of negative emotions being felt by people, especially the not-so-fortunate ones, that come to and fro in their institution everyday.  Imagine how they would feel if they are already worrying about their loved one’s condition, worrying at how can they be able to pay the bills or where would they get money to buy medicines, and still get a humiliating experience from among the hospital staff at the same time? 

     I mean, I wish there would be a law regarding the codes of coduct of health workers, health administrators and all those who work in health institutions.